Stanger Than Fiction is Reality- 驚魂記

驚魂記

今天回家時被人跟蹤了
I’ve been stalked today

好可怕
Still kinda shaky

那個人看起來像是痴肥版的Jack Nicholson
The stalker looked like a poorly maintenance Jack Nicholson

事情是這樣的
This is what happened


一開始我就和那個人的眼神對上了
我的目光在他的臉上停留了一會兒
試圖搜索任何友善的跡象

NEGATIVE！ There was no signs warmness
My instinct tells me that this man is precarious, perhaps mentally

我好害怕，正當我不知所措時，他突然開口了：

“ You think I am following you? I’m after you?”

我差點脫口： HOW DID YOU KNOW？

空氣中的水份子頓時降到冰點

我看著他，轉身，前腳一提後腳一踢，做勢要逃，表情十分誇張猙獰。
有時候，誇張的表演可以緩和氣氛。
我用極誇張的表情對他微笑，心裡以為他會被我的反應嚇到。
殊不知，劣質Jack Nicholson 將兩隻手抬起，做勢要過來抓我。 喔！原來他也是演員。
心中的警備頓時卸下不少，我想這個照會應該可以讓我安全脫身。我對他甜甜一笑，然後有禮貌示意：have a good evening


接著轉頭就走。

走了兩棟房子之後，我發現他竟然還在我的身後。他口袋裡面的鑰匙
，隨著他走路的節拍，不疾不徐的，和我的高跟鞋同時撞擊出希區考克懸疑片裡的背景音效。 我拿起我的手機，想找一個人假裝講電話，於是我打給四天前與我手分手的他。電話響了八聲後依然沒人接聽。安全感的假象頓時瓦解。心中的害怕更多了。下意識的，我又回過頭看那人是否還在。

他還在

眼睛露透出兇光，眨也不眨的看著我
我馬上轉過頭，繼續往前走，心中祈禱他趕快離開。

前方來了兩三個人，談笑自若的迎面走來。


我當下直接走近那群人期待這樣可以讓跟蹤者離開

他還在
而且他還在看著我

他又開口：LOOK AT THE WAY YOU LOOKING AT ME...

我假裝沒聽見，繼續往前走。
我家快到了，我心想完了，現在他知道我住哪了。

我停住。轉身。瞪著他

一直看著他，直到他走向另一個方向
驚魂未定的我，沒有直接搭電梯。等到確定沒有人了才由後門進入。

回家後，我換了衣服後就立刻睡著了。凌晨五點的時候，突然感覺有人在拍我的肩膀。

重重的打在肩膀上。我以為是夢境，直到第二下。
我轉頭一看。

靠，原來是我表姊養的貓。VEGAS

我看著VEGAS

轉頭

繼續睡

 

My Agony , My Acne 醜男 與粉刺

I love extracting. Extractions are the removal of cellular debris out of the pores.
I enjoy extracting so much that I once seriously considered a career working as an esthetician several years ago. An Aveda Institute certified esthetician can make up to $80,000 per year. That includes over-time during Christmas season and New Year seasons, 6 days a week. Tons of extractions!

Below is a section from an interview that explains my fetish:

Q: But other aspects of giving a facial don't bother you?

A: I love doing extractions—it's so satisfying. When you get some good ones out and they come out well ... People come in and they're like, "Do tons of extractions for
me!" and they've done it too much already and they're dried out. There is
nothing for me to extract by then. Or, they are so dehydrated that nothing will
budge from their pores. It's like their pores are constipated.

Q: Extractions means popping pimples, right?

A: Kind of. Extractions are removing
cellular debris out of the pores. It can be very satisfying, like when you pop
bubble wrap, but it's not so much actually popping. It's getting the congestion
out of people's pores. Believe me, a lot of people have congested pores.
We
even do stuff with electricity—it's called galvanic. It softens the congestion
and makes it come out. And we have "the zapper" for people with bad pimples.
It's an anti-bacteria light that kills bacteria under the skin and helps the
pimple heal much more quickly

I love extraction, but the desire for this particular artistry does not match-up with my passion and talent in acting, yet, it is still my secondary love and most favorable pastime.
But I always have clear skin face which means acnes are rare and precious; limited pleasure is received from the extraction of my own face, thus for years I was unfulfilled and unsatisfied. 3 years ago, a revelation came to me that revolutionized my ideology of men and career: I was either going to be an esthetician or find a boyfriend who has “not-so-perfect” skin.
As results, I was able to staying focus in my acting career and have been dating ugly men ever since.

Recently I like a boy who bluntly challenged my theory and belief.
First of all, he is marginally cute. Second of all he is marginally cute and has acnes.
Third of all, he has lots of them!
In a way he is perfect; ancient treasures waiting to be unearthed like the Song Dynasty sunken ship found in the south China coast recently. I remembered I was elated the first time I did a super close-up on his face. I said to myself: the master of the university has been kind to me.

But the best part is: HE ALLOWS ME!

Perhaps when everything seems so perfect, it is actually not.

Article of inspiration: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/unusualjobs/22waxing.html

a project participated in the past

媽媽不知道我們不知道

媽媽不知道我們不知道



與小女孩玩
她擁有一個粉紅色的電動電扇
我稱它為「電動竹蜻蜓」
我對這個粉紅色的電動竹蜻蜓產生了強大的興趣
我手持著它，像自由女神一樣將它指向天空，讓它帶著我飛上天際。
結果，因為空間太小，所以在往上昇的過程中不小心被撞牆。
我開始對這個粉紅色竹蜻蜓產生興趣，不斷的問小女孩他在哪裡買的
小女孩說「我不知道，我媽媽沒有告訴我」。

這時我腦海思緒突然像是被電擊似的
原來從小開始，我們就對媽媽有著極高的信心，期待她們會給我們一切的答案。
可是媽媽不知道我們的問題
我們沒有問
因為我們以為媽媽會知道我們的不知道。
可是媽媽不知道我們不知道

當瞭解後，
立刻注視著小女孩的眼睛，看進去她的眼睛裡，說：「你又沒有跟媽媽說你不知道，媽媽怎麼知道你不知道阿？」

小女孩看著我的眼睛，接著，立刻轉身，跑向媽媽，邊跑邊叫：「媽媽，這個是在哪裡買的？」




回到家後，我立刻拿起電話，打給我娘，告訴她我愛她。

Semi Vegetarian

今天我終於忍受不住破戒吃魚了
這三天來我都是只吃蛋奶素
但是到今天傍晚時我整個人呈現一種完全無力的狀態
在瑜珈教室的一角落看Light On Yoga by BKS Iyengar 然後昏睡接著被叫醒接電話然後又回去看書接著又昏睡
後來覺得這樣子下去不行~於是就去洗澡
洗完後等頭髮乾的那段時間繼續看書接著眼皮又開始沉重

那時的直覺是:肯定是營養不良
評估過後我決定要破戒去忠孝東路對面吃鮪魚拌飯~營養又便宜
沒力的我拖著沒力的腿
一步步吃力的走到距離教室10分鐘外的餐廳
到達後
點了一盤青菜和一碗拌飯
邊吃飯邊聽身後的老闆其他客人自豪的保證餐廳是用國際水準與流程來處理魚貨
品質第一BLAH BLAH BLAH 一堆

這時我的視線和筷子同時移到燙青菜上
發現一根黑頭髮靜靜的躺在翠綠的包心菜上
那根頭髮不是我的~因為我的頭髮是自然捲

等到老闆送走剛剛聽他高論的客人後
我輕輕的將那盤菜端起
在輕輕的將它放在老闆面前的掌櫃檯上
再用食指輕輕的朝盤裡黑頭髮方向點了一下
在輕輕的問 "老闆~這是國際水準?"

錯愕的表情
以及事後老闆把廚房的員工叫出來指摘
以及我那碗超好吃免費魚湯
都不是我預期的結果

臨走時老闆還一直和我道歉

我告訴老闆其實我今天會來吃魚是因為我這幾天都沒有吃肉所以有點營養不良
因此才會想來吃魚補充蛋白質
可能我點的不夠多吧
所以這是老天的安排讓我多喝一碗魚湯

老闆聽了後就一掃陰霾開心的哈哈笑
離開餐廳後我也很開心
因為
魚湯真的很好喝YO!

thank you GOD!

Did you hear the awkward silence?

During Kid's Yoga today, A-Shin put a tremendous amount of effort into making the kids "concentrate" by saying the word "concentrate" almost every other sentence. Judging from kids' behavior, I don't think the point was readily taken; however, I'm glad to see that our previous communication on kids' yoga had stirred up some neurons in the thought process. Kid's yoga is by far my favorite class in Yoga Living. I know this because I always have so many notes for the teacher after each class that I assisted upon, but I must confess-it is truly easier to say then to do. And I respect every teacher who come to me for my opinion, that is truly an Act of Namaste.
After the class, I gave A-shin more notes. This time kids are more behaved (no more climbing on both A-shin's legs and back and less high pitched screaming from Wendy). Now I see the problem is more internal. I sensed that he is still a bit uneasy with the kids, because he wasn't expect the kids to be spontaneous and have to cope with it simultaneously. Another thing was the tempo of the class was very draggy in the beginning of the class when he asked the children to sit in a circle to introduce themselves. There was an awkward moment, Xiao-Bao who is 5 yrs old was probably experiencing her first awkward silence before adolescence.... I think the teacher is responsible for keeping the flow or tempo in control, but instead we bestow that responsibility to kids, and so the consequences is usually disastrous. During Kid's Yoga meeting, I keep hearing teachers saying "how to control the kids'...Now i realized it's not a matter of controlling the kids, it's a matter of control the flow of the class, teacher needs to think about the rhythm of the class and then plan the content that will fit the flow desired. In the end I suggested A-Shin with more spirituality reading, he said he is not ready for it so I just smiled and told him to take it easy, and we can always discuss about the class when we have to. He is trying :)

We have 2 new students today, 2 brothers, Andrew and Max. Older brother seem a bit shy, introverted and extremely intelligent but has a lot of things going on in his mind. The little one is so cute.

I looked at my old children yoga notes, in it says Babaji " Children 12 and up can begin to do adult curriculum of regular pranayama and asana." I feel we should start thinking about teenager yoga.

已經整整三個月沒有BLOG了

在深山裡學習活在當下已經三個月了，
因此也三個月沒有BLOG了

這三個月的轉變很不可思議

我得仔細想想要用什麼形式
來記錄才不會落俗套

有人在這裡留言
感覺被偷窺
可是又有被偷窺的快感

今天跟周小花在MSN談了一會兒
可以在未成名演員守則這個部落格上面看到我們的交談內容

我已經把有關於DRUG SEX AND ALCOHOL 的內容都刪了
所以想看八卦的人還是趁早離席
（哈哈，難怪我們還沒成名）

OH WELL，自我揶揄也是當下的一種表現吧

聖母山的第一天 DAY ONE at Mt.Madonna

因為時差的關係
到達加州SAN JOSE才下午四點，
和邁阿密一樣，天氣晴朗， 但是空氣中的濕度和性慾望明顯變的稀薄了許多。


手機裡面充滿了來自於KATE的語音留言。
KATE，一個從未謀面的女孩，和我約在機場見面後在一起搭車上聖母山。
「他該不會是放我鴿子了吧？！」
很顯然的，根據他先生給我的語音留言，KATE今天是不會在SAN JOSE 機場出現了
早已被未知搞的緊張兮兮的我這時在這個人生地不熟的環境裡更是變本加厲的恐懼了起來

我立刻播了KATE的電話。

談話內容其實很簡短，我無非只是想要加深KATE臨時放我鴿子的罪惡感。我告訴他我瞭解他的飛機臨時被取消的苦處，但至少他應該先打電話聯絡約定好來接我們一起上山的同學來提早接我的時間，這樣我就不用多等兩個小時了。

抗議電話結束後，我自行播打給AMBER，也就是家住SAN JOSE 附近並且要來接我們的同學。
電話沒通。

百般無聊的我開始打電話給所有我認識住在加州的親朋好友們，包括我那位同父異母的哥哥，張力。

張力和我已經快14年未謀面，上一次通電話大概是十年前左右的事了。
那一次通電話非常不愉快，那次之後即便是他主動找我，我都不想理會他，甚至不想承認他是我哥哥。
那時我認為他在我的生命中只是一位過客，充其量是一個小時後的玩伴，他的存在與否並不重要。
然而，在今年年初，我忽然發現我在生命學習的過程中傷害了也忽視了不少人的心，哥哥也是其中之一。

我於是播了他的電話。
他接起電話。
我們的談話約三十分鐘。我才得知，聖母山其實離他住的所在並不遠，開車約三個小時。離我們的姊姊家更近（對，我有一位21年從未謀面的姊姊，NORA）約兩個小時車程。哥哥的聲音裡面有一種保守的關心。有一點距離。

兩個小時在「熱線你和我」的連結中很快的過去了。
AMBER 也預期的到達機場
AMBER小姐戴著GUCCI的太陽眼鏡，腳上套著夾腳拖鞋，開著她媽媽的BMW，一位很CHIC女生。
初次見面，我就感覺得這個女孩子心地很善良而且單純。目前是小學老師的AMBER和我一樣對瑜珈有興趣並且也想成為瑜珈老師。

我們在閒聊中已不知不覺的來到了聖母山 MT.MADONNA
因為AMBER是當地人，所以對來到山上的路況瞭若指掌。

抵達MT.MADONNA下了車後，我發現我是唯一腳蹬高跟鞋的女生。
山谷好靜，我好不自在，尤其是在得知帳棚是搭在山裡面後，我竟然害怕了起來。
我真是蠢蛋，去省那個幾百塊住帳棚幹嗎。
一輩子沒有睡過帳棚超過三次，現在我必須要一整各月睡在帳棚裡...我真的準備好了嗎？

好心的AMBER用她母親的BMW小跑車在黃土飛揚的山路上終於找到了帳棚營區的所在。抵達後我打開行李箱將我的名牌手拉大旅行箱搬出來，上氣不接下氣的用拉的用抱的用扛的終於將它拖進帳棚內。

看到帳棚內擱置著兩片薄薄的海綿墊，當下的我只想哭。
到底是哪一個白癡告訴我帶LINENS （床單）就好了？
沒有帳棚經驗的我真的只有帶一片薄薄的床單和枕頭套子。
這跟我心裡所預期的單人床墊和已經準備好的被子有點出入。
AMBER此刻在我身後問我：
「TAFFI 你帶幾個睡袋呢？這裡晚上會很冷喔」
我回頭看著他，用力控制著已經在顫抖的聲帶：
「ZERO。」
「OH MY GOD！」AMBER驚叫：「你今天晚上會凍死，這樣好了，你今天晚上撐一下，我明天拿我爸爸的睡袋給你」
我確信AMBER是一位天使。

那一天晚上我把所有箱子裡面的夏天衣服都穿在身上，包括兩頂棒球帽。
但是我還是冷到睡不著覺，於是我開始寫日記：

"好像已經忘了如何與大自然為伍了。來到MT.MADONNA，看到自己住的帳棚的那一刻

我就知道：I put myself into a mission.

有一股莫名的恐懼感，但又知道這將是人生中一段特別的經驗。

I just need to accept, accepting my anxiety, accept the fact that I am once
again out of my comfort zone, accept my decision, accepting myself, then breath
through it.

I love you, you know?

I know.

I love you, too. "

My Monologue

Alluring, difficult woman seeks stable and assertive man

Date: 2007-05-21, 10:39AM EDT
I am in search of a patient, assertive, and attractive man to aid me in my quest for self-improvement. These qualities are non-negotiable and the explanation is as follows. After two intense failed relationships, {both which, in retrospect, were almost completely my fault but I was able to successfully manipulate things so as to make each man believe they were in the wrong} I have spent a lot of time thinking about who I am and I have isolated several personality traits that make it somewhat difficult for a normal person to have a relationship with me. I am looking for a man who is secure enough in himself to tolerate our exciting lifestyle {a background or degree in psychology is a plus.} I am determined to find a healthier way of approaching things, as I never want to ruin anyone's life ever again. I have decided to be completely honest right off the bat, therefor eliminating the time it takes to 'get to know one another' {i.e. time it takes for you to realize I am a complete psycho- but by then you are completely helpless to resist my allure and charisma and are unable to wrench yourself from me, your beautiful demise.} Some things you should know: *I have a major 'Daddy' complex. My father, whom I adored as a god, left when I was young. No matter how well you treat me, you will never be as good of a man as my Daddy. *I will never trust you. The first of two men I thought I loved and slept with cheated on me time and time again, and impregnated other women and paid for their abortions with my money. I did not find any of this out until two years into our relationship when we had a home and a life together and I was pregnant with a child of my own. These indiscretions, and my tendency to be rash and impulsive led to me having an abortion. I am prone to bouts of melancholy and self-hatred because of the guilt I still feel over this decision. *I have no communication skills. I will never tell you what is wrong with me, nor will I share any of my secrets, fears, hopes or dreams with you. {I do have several of these- one of them is to someday not be so crazy.} You will have to pry information out of me. I feel like if I confide in you, when I ultimately drive you away- which I am bound to do- you will have these personal pieces of me and that makes me feel vulnerable and I am terrified of being vulnerable. *I have an addictive personality. I was a crack addict when I was 15-16, and relapsed again when I was 18. I like to think I have conquered these addictions but it wouldn't surprise me if I relapsed again. *I am a cold and unemotional bitch. This, of course, is all a facade, but you will constantly wonder if I truly care about you or not. If you do not pay me 100% of your attention, I will feel rejected and inwardly wonder why you do not love me. Then I will pretend that you are nothing more to me than a mote of dust- which of course I do not notice. If you pay me too much attention I will feel cagey and suffocated and walk out the door without telling you where I am going and may not return for several days. No matter how long we are together, you will never see me cry. I am a brick wall. **CLARIFICATION**- About once every five months I will cry over my vacuumed fetus but when this happens I will lock myself in the smallest possible space I can find so you cannot see me. This is usually a closet or a bathroom, although I was partial to a large trunk I owned until someone confiscated it with my best interests in mind. *Although I will always be completely faithful to you, I will have no less than five men in line who are able and willing to keep me platonic company if you ever need to leave for any reason. This is because I cannot bear to be alone, even though I pretend that that is all I want. *I am terrified of commitment. Know that I will never marry you, or if in a moment of confusion I do agree to marry you, I will not show up on our wedding day. *I have some sexual preferences that some people may not be able to handle. I want sex several times a day and I like to be hit, choked, and called nasty names. Please be comfortable with such abuse. * I am incredibly indecisive. I do not know what I want to eat, wear, or do at any given time. Once we have reached a decision I will change my mind. I am also extremely scatterbrained and lose my keys, phone, wallet, etc. on a regular basis. I will expect you to be able to locate these items. I am also very impatient and want what I want when I want it, with no regards to your feelings. *I throw punches when I feel cornered. I kickbox, so they are good punches. Now that that is out of the way, I do have some redeeming qualities! *I am beautiful, intelligent, educated and articulate. You can be assured that all of your family and friends will envy you for having such a wonderful girlfriend. I am definitely the girl you can bring home to mom. You and only you will know of my dichonomy and my psychotic antics when we are alone. *I can cook a mean steak. *When I am happy, {which is a good portion of the time} you will feel like the most amazing man alive and the center of my universe. *I am artistically gifted. *I have a stable and lucrative career. *I make friends with everyone, including homeless people and vicious dogs. I take bugs out of my house and let them go. As mentioned, I am extremely charismatic and you will be unable to resist my charms. I guarantee you will fall in madly and twistedly love with me, and although you know that I will ultimately leave you in an emotional bloody shredded heap in pursuit of my own needs, you will be unwilling and unable to exorcise me from your life, so serious replies only, please. P.S.- Please be an animal lover. If you are not, then I am not the girl for you.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 335213414

生命一部份之一：廣告

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=taffichang

開心拍廣告

Cheers!

阿才 與 阿傑- "Most Distant Course"最遙遠的距離 Directed by 林靖傑 Lin Jing-Jie

最遙遠的距離 -林靖傑導演 主：桂綸鎂、賈孝國

很期待這部電影

距離殺青趴踢已經是快半年了

拍攝前好不安

拍攝當天好緊張，收工後有好多好多的想法

拍攝後完有好多朋友

現在， 電影放映了，留下的是好多的回憶。

這部劇情片是林靖傑導演為他的best friend, 陳明才所寫的。

那場阿才（賈孝國飾）與女病人心理諮詢的層次哭戲在剛開始拍攝時並不順利，飾演精神衰弱老公外遇的女病人，眼淚竟然半滴都流不出。早上練習的時候明明說哭就哭阿，越想越不通，越不通就越緊張。在場拍攝組所有的人都快哭了，但就我一個人哭不出。後來導演還拉我出去PEP TALK 。再次回到攝影鏡頭前，林靖傑突然大聲的說「張葳，我要你把你回台灣後所受的一切委屈都宣洩出來，所有的委屈！」

瞬間我突然馬上進入了另一個時空裡，情緒崩潰，眼淚一顆一顆從眼眶滾落，導演立刻ACTION，這時飾演阿才的賈孝國也馬上進入情緒。我感受到台詞裡所形容的： 「 妳的每一個毛細孔都在戰慄，彷彿他們每一個都張大的嘴巴喊著：我要我要...」

那場戲，阿才也在。

"The Most Distant Course" Written and directed by Lin Jing Jie

Really looking forward to the screening
It was almost... half year since the wrap party last year December

Before the shooting, so uneasy
On the lot and on the set, very nerving...
After the wrap, relieving but worrying (where is my next gig?)

During the shooting, I made many friends who share same passion both in film making and life itself which was very inspiring and fullfilling.

Now, the film is finally wrapped.

“The Most Distant Course", inspired by writer/ director's best friend, Chen Ming-Tsai（陳明才）.

On August 29, 2003, a red backpack by Do-Ran Bay in Tai-Tong Taiwan was found; Chen Ming-Tsai, actor, director, writer, environmentalist, the owner of the red backpack, was not.
Chen Ming-Tsai was protesting in a most aggressive and yet, most despotic way by sacrificing his life to manifest his will to protect the Do Ran Bay natural preserved area-- one of the few existing A-Mea Taiwan Aborigines habitations, from the Taiwanese government land reconstruction project that will eventually turn Do-Ran in to Do-Wrong..

“Chen Ming-Tsai, A-Tsai, was a passionate environmental activist who had written numerous articles to raise public awareness for the environmental issues in Do-Ran Bay. He was a stage actor, an unconventional creative stage actor. He was also a psychologist who tried and tried to heal his other identity- the bipolar A- Tsai. “

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/kufao&article_id=2785297

I felt deeply connected and moved with Chen Ming-Tsai during the scene where I portrayed a depression patient who avoided to admit her failure in marriage with A-Tsai( the psychiatrist, a character that was based on Chen Ming Tsai played by Jia Jiao Quo). I’m convinced that Jia was possessed by Chen Ming Tsai during that scene. Either that or the writer director Ling Jing Jie did an impeccable job creating the characters. The Most Distant Course was selected by the commission to be the opening film for the 2007 Taipei Film Festival

Plot Description for “The Most Distant
Course”
Psychiatrist A
tsai who is on the verge of breaking down, a sound
man Xiao Tang who is dumped by his girlfriend, and office worker
Royun whose boyfriend has another lover have all arrived at the crossroads
of their lives. In order to find themselves again, they each embark on a journey
which would bring them out of their current rut and change their lives…

[ 開幕片 ] -最遙遠的距離

[ Opening ] - THE MOST DISTANT COURSE


導演： 林靖傑 LIN Jing-jie
Taiwan / 2007 / 35mm / Color / 110 分鐘
類型：劇情片
分級：普遍級
字幕：中英
參展 / 得獎紀錄：世界首映

Screening 放映:
06/22(五) 19:00
廳別:
台北市中山堂


Screening 放映:
07/03(二) 12:20
廳別:
in89豪華數位影院

reference sites 參考網站

• 
  
  http://www.pots.com.tw/article.pl?sid=05/01/20/1058222&mode=nested


• 
  
  http://taiwanfilms.blogspot.com/2006/11/blog-post_1566.html


• 
  
  http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/kin_kon63/article?mid=5252

最遙遠的距離_慶功宴 MOST DISTANT COURSE_ WRAP PARTY

think...."too bad Homer is married"

Madonna and Mt.Madonna

瑪丹娜 Madonna 是我活到這麼大歲數唯一承認的精神領袖 （過世的如 PLATO、 國父孫文則不算在內）。
十一歲剛到美國時，因為語言不通也沒有朋友，所以每天放學下課後就回家看瑪丹娜的演唱會錄影帶，認真的、一格格的研究VOGUE每一個分解動作。等記下動作後在表演給住在附近的鄰居小朋友看，也是免費入場。

我甚至：

• 苦苦哀求我的外婆幫我做一套和瑪丹娜一模一樣的衣服
  
  
  
  （如圖）然後穿著它去上學 （i wonder why no one in my family stop me from doing that?)
  


• 
  
  
  將歌詞用注音國字英文拼音 (whatever works)





• 
  
  
  出門的時候在左唇上方用黑筆畫一顆痣

也許是偶然也許是巧合，六月份即將要啟程去Mt.Madonna學習瑜珈和拿瑜珈教師執照，共28天。Madonna 熱愛瑜珈的事實舉世皆知，雖然我開始接觸瑜珈並不是因為Madonna的關係，但是我在想很早已前，我的潛意識中早就因為她的關係而埋下了瑜珈的種子。

我的心中有一個很小的聲音告訴我，去 MT.Madonna 28天的閉關修習 （好像是去勒戒所禁閉28天的感覺）不是偶然而是祂的安排。或許這將會成為我生命轉折的契機，也或許是死亡的前兆。only god knows！ Whatever will be will be. 我正心好也需要藉著這次的機會，好好的將心裡的塵埃洗滌。

冥冥中，好像就是要走進瑜珈這條路

Madonna was just pointing my way to Mt.Madonna

ok, that make sense

Life goes on

他跟我說恐慌症發生時的症狀有如有一個人拿著一把刀子，一刀、一刀的、用力的刮著你的心臟。我看著他，覺得他在嚇唬我。我笑了笑，再繼續低下頭將碗中的白飯吃完，好像他剛剛說了一個不太好笑的笑話。

我現在很恐慌
因為愛的感覺慢慢的從從心臟開始流失
所以我要Promise 自己

這寫完後我將不在感覺
之前所有的感覺將至入一個ZIP LOCK FREEZER BAG ， seal and freeze
現在很難受但是以後總是會好的，然後又像是沒事了一樣，跟以前一樣
總之，我已經習慣傷痕，也習慣自己處理它

明天起床後、又是新的一天
life goes on

和你在一起

未知的恐懼加上對新環境的不適應，
我在表姊客廳的充氣床上輾轉難眠。
依稀記得我是在淚漬逐漸滲透了枕頭後才進入睡眠。

我做了一個夢
在夢裡
我在一個房子裡，昏黃的燈光打在老式的西式家具。我身處在上海20-30年代的屋裡。米色的牆壁上懸掛著各種不一樣的相框。
第一個相框裡掛著奶奶的照片。奶奶已過世許久，我望著她的相片對他說出內心的不安。突然間，相片中的奶奶開口對我說話了。我驚訝不已，噙著淚告訴奶奶我好想念她。奶奶曾經告訴我「凡事靠自己」但我一直沒有做到。一會兒，奶奶就不再說話了。
我跑到第二個相框前，那是爺爺的相片。對於爺爺，我只有感到抱歉，因為第一次見到爺爺是在很小的時候（約四歲）。當時台灣尚未解嚴，而身份為軍人的爸爸在離開中國20年後終於又和中國大陸的家人聯絡上了，於是他帶著才四歲的我義無反顧的悄悄回到了上海。當時的我只覺得爺爺很老很醜，所以不想理會他。但是爺爺太寵我，讓我坐在他的頭上挖鼻屎他也很開心。兩三年以後爺爺過世了我才開始難過小時候無禮。在相片裡的爺爺也同樣的開口說話了。爺爺說了很多但我心中只有一個念頭：我希望爺爺知道我心中是想念他的，而爺爺也一直是讓我驕傲的主要原因。
第三個相框裡的人是我爸爸。爸爸在我七歲時過世。記憶裡的父親一向都是在醫院裡或病床上。我看著爸爸的相片，期待他開口說話，終於，他開口了，他的嘴巴張開卻遲遲無法發音，最後，爸爸什麼話都沒有說。他只是看著我。

我醒了
我知道我的家人都在看著我，都和我在一起。
我們的關係從沒有斷，它一直在。
I think I will be alright.

Commencement Speech to the Harvard Class of 2000

I couldn't help but posting it. This is the speech given by Conan O'Brien at the Harvard 2000 Commencement. Read it, it's hilarious

http://www.february-7.com/features/conan.htm

Michael Jackson Dangerous

今天在逛Youtube时不经意的浏览到了Michael Jackson Dangerous的 video clip. 勾起许多陈年往事。 很难相信两年前在实验剧场的舞台剧中竟然能跳完这整支舞！我不禁懷疑当初是如何办到的？ 莫非有神助？MWUAHAHAHAH
两年前在没有深厚舞蹈底子的情形下靠著在剧场初识的朋友们帮助我不断的複习MICHAEL的所有舞步，好想念那段每天與汗水和沮丧攪和的三个月。

American Dream Synopsis

A-Dan and his sister Lily are two of the many illegal immigrants in America. Their new life in this foreign land seems promising to their parents: well paying jobs, beautiful environment, and most of all, hope for a brighter future. However, underneath the glorious image they have forged there lies a dark and heartbreaking truth: in order to pay off the price of their illegal immigration and keep their family safe, A-Dan is forced to prostitute Lily after their daily low-end jobs at the restaurant.

Their once exhilarating dream has been shattered; their once hopeful hearts have deceased. However, when a small incident rekindles Lily’s hope, she opens her youthful eyes and tries to embrace it one more time. Her sense of hope and future terrifies A-Dan. Having lost hope in the entire country, and probably the entire world, he convinces Lily that whatever she saw was nothing but a pipedream, and they as illegal immigrants can only surrender to their fate. Just as A-Dan realizes he has made a mistake, he will soon find out that it was one that may cost him his entire world.


阿丹和他的妹妹莉莉是在美国成千上万名非法移民中的一分子。 在父母的眼中，他们在这个陌生的国度的生活充满了灿烂：优厚的工作，优美的环境，还有最重要的是，他们在这里有对于未来的憧憬。然而，在他们精心描绘的画面的背后，隐藏着一个令人心碎的秘密：为了偿还高额偷渡债务，确保家人的平安，阿丹在打工之余被迫为莉莉拉客卖淫。

他们一度美好的梦想破灭了；他们曾经热切的心已经死去。可是，当一个偶然的机会让莉莉又一次看到了希望的时候，她终于再一次张开双眼试图去抓住它。她的希望让阿丹感到恐惧；他已经对这个国家，甚至这个世界失去了信心。他说服了莉莉，使她相信她只是在做白日梦，并让她明白对于像他们这样的人来说，接受命运是唯一的选择。当阿丹最终明白了自己的错误和软弱的时候，他发现这是一个他用尽一生也无法弥补的错误。

我決定要這樣死

今天晚上要拍Lily斷氣一幕。

sometimes we encounter stressful situations during the filmming like jinx. Like today, eric's car broke down in the morning, and then our prop car broke down in the afternoon, not to mention a couple days ago the rental truck was over-heated and broken down during the transportation.

Day Off- recovering from action sequence

昨晚彷彿作了一個惡夢。如果在現實生活中我能操控夢境，或許我就能成為一個更有意志力的人. 但是現在我只能藉著抽煙來撫平情緒。有一個瑜珈體位法叫做「駱駝」而邊抽駱駝邊做駱駝才能使我取得平衡。

LA 的表演教练， Bernard Hiller曾在课堂上告诉我："表演让你在现实生活中所不能、不可以、不可能做到的事发生" 接着他更进一步举例说明：「if you want to be a prostitute, you can, with out legal binding issues」女演員 Joan Allen once also said "Acting gave me the opportunity to do outrageous things. It allowed me to be sad, happy, angry and lustful even if it was just vicariously."

被嫖客殴打的妓女回忆，随着骆驼慢慢的与空气混合、稀释、淡化、消失。